Is your attachment to your expectations creating anxiety? Consider the process instead.

With new responsibilities, roles, and commitment, expect the unknown; expect uncertainty and most likely anxiety. The journey might be a new professional position, starting a business, or taking action to improve your heath. Whatever the project is - results generally do not come quickly or easily. Many of my clients want so badly to achieve results right away. I totally get this; I do as well. Challenge and uncertainty is a natural part of growth and success; however, being attached to our expectations can lead to significant anxiety and eventually stopping.


The challenge with expectation is that when our results do not work out as scheduled, many of us stop. Learning, growing, and taking action require us to step outside of our comfort zone for an extended period of time. For example, on average, it takes 5-7 times to quit smoking cigarettes. Almost everyone I have worked with describes their biggest barrier to quitting as being afraid to fail. They are perplexed when I explain relapse as the most important part of the game. In fact, relapse is where the magic happens. This is where they learn how and why they smoke and what actions to take to create change. Through their “process” I encourage them to take what they have learned and to apply to the next quit, and the next, and the next, and probably the next. Staying in the process and committing to quitting over and over again are the ingredients for sustained change.

Losing weight is another area where my clients stop due to the expectation mindset. Many come to me having tried all of the flashy diets and quick fix programs. We all want quick results because the idea of long-term uncertainty is very uncomfortable. The truth is that diets do not work because restricting what we eat does not educate us for the long term. The process mindset suggests learning and practicing balanced nutrition and not just how we eat, but why. These lifelong habits as well as physical activity, sufficient sleep, hydration, and stress management are the ingredients to lose weight and to keep it off.

I need to remind myself everyday to challenge my expectation mindset. Of course, I want to make six figures and have lucrative speaking gigs, but my ego wants to get hired today and if I do not, throws a fit and screams at me to quit. My brilliant client reminded me to shift my own mindset. I learn so much from my clients - thank you! She discussed feeling anxious about promoting her business online. Her breakthrough was seeing her business as her child and raising it over time, rather than a series of difficult chores, tasks and deadlines. When she began applying the same nurturing and daily love to her business, she found a renewed sense of joy, energy and commitment.

As I shed my expectations around my coaching business, I am also shedding my anxiety, judgement, and insecurity. Instead of doing it all today and being forcefully attached, I now imagine my business as a garden. I spend my time planting seeds, weeding, watering, and giving it daily attention and love. I am confident that if I stay committed to this process, my business will thrive and flourish.

What expectations are you holding on to? How are they a barrier in your life? Please discuss in the comment section below.


44 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All